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Somebody's always telling me what to do. Agents, managers, directors, producers, fellow actors, the makeup artist, the lighting crew, the propmaster, the magazine photographer, the fuckin' git blocking my car with his so he can 'just do his job' with his camera....

My mum.

No use getting your bits in a wad I say.

So, when I found out about this smashing new livejournal thing, where you can bloody well talk to more people in a minute than you can text message in an hour, I figured maybe it was time I offered some advice to other people? I could be, like, "Dear Orlando", instead of "Dear Abby"!

I mean, who's gotten more advice from other people in the past few years than me, yeah? Not all of it was good, but my mum always says you learn by doing--well, she says stop wanking off unless you're gonna be sure you lock the loo door too, but I'm just sayin'....

Anyway....

I thought maybe I could help people with their love life. I mean, people are always yellin' at me, "Orlando, how's your love life?" and then gettin' all arsey 'cause I don't talk about it. Not everybody kisses and tells, y'know. Some people stay in the closet for years and years--

Uhm....

Maybe you'll find something to help you here. Maybe not. I dunno, but thanks for stopping by.