Jun. 25th, 2008 12:05 am
dearorlando: (Default)
[personal profile] dearorlando
Dear Orlando,

With all the high-powered cameras available today, how do you manage to forget that proper manners dictate you must not stand in the doorway of high-class hotels in just your red flip-flops? People will spend all their afternoon tea time disputing whether or not your mother raised you in a barn.


Someone Who Taught You Better

Dear Mum,

I already said I’m sorry!

We can argue the toss another month, but I’m still dead cert I asked her to close the curtains. She says I was supposed to get them, since I was last in the door. I was just trying to be gentlemanly, letting the lady go first. Next thing she’s laughin’ at me, just takin’ the piss, and saying “Don’t look now!” and all, so what’s a bloke ‘sposed to do? Of course I turned ‘round and looked!

Good thing she was close enough for me to grab her towel.

And I did listen to you. I did. You said “Never wear red shoes after 6 pm”. I changed before we went to dinner, just like always.

Oh, and Vi— I mean, a friend of mine rang me up just a bit ago. He wanted to know if you need a new mouse, ‘cause his clicker is all bodged up and he’s ordering another and they’re having a 2-for-1 special. I told him go ahead and get you one and bill me, but he’ll have to come hook it up. Hope that’s okay.

And I’m sorry. Really. Sorry.

You can send me the bill for the doctor visit and your new glasses. Is your blood pressure any better yet?

Love you.

Date: 2008-06-25 07:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*howls* Oh, Orlando. Dear boy. Thank you for the lovely view, of course. Always knew you had cute wee curves under those baggy jeans.

While we're at it, of course, please don't do the roll-up shorts thingie again please. Just wear a Speedo if you want to tan your thighs. Trust me, no one will complain.

Date: 2008-06-25 07:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
We forgive you dear. Your itsy bitsy bum goes so nicely with those red flipflops. I'm sure your mother will find the situation quite amusing once she's recuperated...
Did you find out what happened to V... ahem your friend's mouse, might just be that he used it quite Vigourously lately... The button on the right gets wonky ever so easily...

Date: 2008-06-25 09:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I heard Vi...this friend of yours also had some blood pressure troubles,lately...
Baby,please,don't forget some people aren't as young as they used to be,and can't handle some situations with calm and zen spirit.
Including me,damn.
But I must admit,I absolutely LOVED your red flip-flops.

Date: 2008-06-25 10:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I wouldn't worry too much about it, hon. It just proves, you do have hidden ass..ets. *snicker*

Your mum will get over it... eventually. At least she can't ground you, right?

Date: 2008-06-25 11:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
LOL I've so missed your posts, Orlando!
Gotta watch out for mums... they see EVERYTHING. And what they don't, they can guess. *G*

Date: 2008-06-25 02:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Pet, I'm far more worried about your cellphone addiction than I am about your sneaky little flash of the paparazzi!

I do realize it was intentional, dear. Clearly the cheeky grin (pardon the pun) demonstrated that!

But Orlando, the phone. Truly, you should have tossed it in the pool! You were on a lovely holiday with that sweet little girl, and yet in nearly every photo, there you were, chatting away as if you didn't know you were supposed to be entertaining a guest! I know your mother taught you better manners.

Oh, and sweetheart? Wear kneepads.

Date: 2008-06-25 10:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
oh honey, given the way you're stalked by photogs, i guess i'm surprised you haven't had more ooopsies like this. it's no big. deal, i mean.

note to vig: maybe make sure he's taking his flinstone vitamins, and maybe some extra ginseng or something? can't have that memory sliding too far (first close door, then drop trou... first close door, then drop trou... first close door....)

edited to make heart bigger. did you realize that hearts in small font look surprisingly like rabbit poops?
Edited Date: 2008-06-25 10:02 pm (UTC)

Date: 2008-06-26 12:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Too, too funny! Thanks for this...I imagine Orli's mum was having an absolute fit over that picture! Thanks for the laugh of my day! *hugs*

Date: 2008-06-26 11:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Well, it's good for your dingly parts and bum to let them hang loose nekkid once in awhile but maybe not when there's atleast 10 paps waiting for you ?

Or if this WAS the exact point, well done me boy :P !

Date: 2016-11-17 03:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oh and Vi— I mean a friend of mine rang me up just a bit ago He wanted to know if you need a new mou
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