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Can any of you help me out with a question?

What’s the name of that place you go to reserve tickets for movies? And does it hurt when somebody googles you? I haven’t felt a blitherin’ thing....And, really, if Paris Hilton is getting it more than me, it can’t be all that good of a thing to have happen to a bloke, is it? Maybe my mum shouldn’t be doing that anymore?

Okay, so that was more than one question from me. Now here's a question from one of you this week:

Dear Orlando,

I‘m 24 and I work in a large office. I recently slept with a guy at work, and I've totally fallen for him, but he hasn't paid any attention to me since. We were always friendly before, and have worked together for 3 years. He's a little shy, but not usually like this. Why is he avoiding me?

Confused and Bummed

Dear Bummed,

Let’s evaluate the date first, eh?

Is he used to calm, well-mannered, always organized you, and you gave him a bit of a shock when he rang your bell and the front door opened? You might’ve pulled off wrapping yourself in a box of cling-free kitchen plastic wrap, depending on how shy he is and whether or not his mum drove him over, but wearing wedding attire on the first date’s enough to scare even the randiest bloke away, no matter how smashing it looks on you! It’s even worse if your dad’s standing beside you holding a shotgun.

About the only thing worse than THAT would be if your dad’s holding the shotgun and it’s loaded AND you’re wearing cling-free kitchen plastic wrap. Even if it is the pretty coloured kind.

If that’s not the case of what’s happened, how’s your hygiene? Did you forget to brush the broccoli from your teeth between lunch, afternoon tea, and time for dinner? Cringeworthy, that, and spinach is almost the same. Is that blouse the same one you’ve been wearing since the first time you saw me sailing the Dutchman in the third part of the Pirates trilogy, and now you’ve seen it forty-seven times? Was there enough hair growing on your back to braid a rope long enough to wrangle a pair of sea turtles? Smelling like a Numenorian Ranger who’s been out in the wild for a fortnight really turns a lot of blokes off, too.

(Well, MOST blokes, anyway. A dab of menthol ointment around the nostrils is a big help, and it really IS easier to overlook after being apart for a fortnight’s worth of days, believe me....)

For some guys, it’s all in the chase, y’know? Have you been waving a white flag with stonkin’ big red letters that reads, “Up For It!”? Or do you just have that printed on your t-shirt? If you’ve been hanging around his desk like a personal assistant, organizing his sticky notes and grabbing his telly (amongst other things) before he can answer the bell, he might be feeling a bit smothered. Every bloke needs some space to himself, and it’s guaranteed if he’s had to hire a bodyguard to bar the door to the loo because he’s feeling followed, you probably need to give him a little more breathing room. And maybe one of those environmentally safe, non-aerosol air fresheners too.

There’s only one other thing I can think of for why a guy would ignore someone he’s been friendly with for as long as you. Now that you’ve done the bum-dinky together, your mate’s got nothing new to look forward to. Back off a little bit and re-evaluate what it is that attracted you to each other in the first place. Do you have hobbies alike? Is he interested in something you know nothing about, but you’re willing to learn? If he likes fixing up old cars, maybe you could get one. If he likes chess, maybe you could get him to teach you how to play (don’t forget to let him win if he sucks at it, okay?). If he’s never been surfing and you live near a beach, go rent a board, or if he’s never been snowboarding and you’re near the slopes, get to it. Doing things that don’t require full body contact will help take the pressure off, and then after you can invite him for a latte and see if he sits across from you or snuggles up tight on the same bench in the booth. Hold back on the down and dirty for a time or two, and he’ll be back on his knees begging you to spend the night. Works for me, if you can stand it.

I hope something in all that helps. Man, it sucks that you can’t wave your arms around and type at the same time. This has taken me forever to type because I keep having to stop to move my hands. Sometimes I think relationships are like that, too. You just have to stop sometimes and rest your brain so you can move your hands, and then stop and rest your hands while you move your brain.

Fuck me. Now I’m not making any sense at all.

Wait, there IS one other thing I can think of....

When was your last checkup, luv? There are some things in a relationship that just aren’t things you want to share. If you were dead cert before that you didn’t have the crabs, maybe he’s the one who’s hiding something and counting the days ‘til you find out what it is?

Good luck with that.

Date: 2007-06-26 06:24 am (UTC)
ext_41467: (koulabeach)
From: [identity profile]
What’s the name of that place you go to reserve tickets for movies?
Wouldn't happen be the box office, would it?

I hope Confused and Bummed has picked up something useful from your answer... I thought it made a lot of sense! =)

Date: 2007-06-30 05:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I thought there was a place on the computer to reserve movie tickets. I know the box office has theatre tickets, and my agent could get me some if she wasn't being a pain in the arse about it. I think the problem might be that my mum's been reading this journal, and she's already bought them all up....*cringes*

I wish Graham was around. He always has good dating advice.

Date: 2007-07-01 02:52 pm (UTC)
ext_41467: (ericblack:- mariusgirl)
From: [identity profile]
I thought there was a place on the computer to reserve movie tickets.
Normally the cinema has them through their website. At least, that's the way my local megaplex does it, but I'm sorta on the other side of the world to you and things might be upside down. You could ask your mum where she got hers if she's been buying them. ;)

Date: 2007-06-26 09:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Well,as I'm nobody,I've never been googled.You should ask Viggo,because I certainly google HIM a lot!So I hope it doesn't hurt,'cause I'll feel guilty as hell,if it does...
Surfing,hey?Didn't work that well for a Numenoreen Ranger in NZ,did it?;)
But love is stronger than bruises.
So Jerry tells me.After the third time I fell down the path.I hate trekking,I sooo would like better stay at home looking at QAF while eating chocolate!
Why on earth can't I leave this stupid guy?Love is it,you think?

Will you tell us a little about the rehearsal of In Celebration,one of these days?Like an appetizer,you know.:)

Date: 2007-06-30 05:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I hope it doesn't hurt,'cause I'll feel guilty as hell,if it does...
*giggles* I'm sure he LIKED IT, luv....

You could get one of those new iPhone things and watch QAF while you went trekking! Except, of course, you'd probably step off a cliff or something. Those kind of bruises might be stronger than love after all.

You'd die happy though, eh? *wink*

I did a little interview recently about things at the theatre:

It feels incredible to get back to the theatre and to play a role where I'm not in swords and sandals, y'know? I think seeing how the audience reacts is gonna be awesome! Come to see me, yeah?

Date: 2007-06-30 06:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I will,on August 30th.With Tim-Tams,as promised.:)

But,mmm,sorry to ask this,I feel shy,all of a sudden,do you think you could introduce me to your co-star,the slender one with the little beard?I sort of like him very much...
Ran to the interview,thanks.Hope to see said bearded guy!

Date: 2007-06-30 09:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

Yeah, I'll tell him!

*writes the date down*

Date: 2007-06-26 09:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
That's some great advice there mate. Lets hope it helps Confused and Bummed.
Are we assuming Bummed is a girl? What if it's a guy? Would your advice be the same? Maybe if it's a girl she should've been less kinky on the first time ;P

Googling really does sound like it should be painful. Maybe you should google yourself. I hear it can be quite pleasurable. Maybe that's why Paris does it so often. A girl can get lonely in a prison cell ya know. It's not easy to smuggle a vibrator into jail and as manly and butch as some of those women can be, it's just not the same, eh?

Date: 2007-06-30 06:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Y'know, it only gets MORE true if Bummed is a bloke. Especially the hair on the back part.

I just thought of one more thing. What if the guy's discovered he just isn't gay?

Now THAT'S bummed.

You think that's why Paris is higher on the queue than me? She's into the self-googling thing?

Might explain the sunglasses she's been sporting lately. Wonder if she's got black spots on her hands? Do you think Tinkerbell's seeing-eye certified?

Mum's gonna smack me for that one....

Date: 2007-06-26 12:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Very good advice to Confused and Bummed. It's always difficult to date a co-worker. Sometimes it's better to keep the co-workers out of your dating pool.

As for your questions. I guess it depends on where you are. In the States, you could try "Fandango". And as for googling, I wouldn't think it would hurt. It does sound like fun. Maybe I'll try googling myself to see what happens.

Date: 2007-06-30 06:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Yeah, the break-up part really sucks when you have to work together every day.

Ooooh! Fandango! That's it!

Maybe I'll try googling myself to see what happens.
You go first, and tell me how it comes out, yeah?

Date: 2007-06-26 01:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Excellent advice, really, but you did forget one. Maybe the guy is embarrassed. Maybe he doesn't think his 'performance' was quite what it should have been, you know, too fast and he is slightly ashamed.
I can understand why you wouldn't have thought of that one.

Google is a search engine, luv. You type in something and it gives you all these sites about whatever you are looking for. Like if you google your name and Viggo's, for example, you get all these LOTR related sites. Try it, it's really fun!
It only hurts if you see something out there that you don't want other people knowing.
Which is kinda why you might want to ask your mum to stop googling you. You never know what she is going to run across.

Date: 2007-06-30 06:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Ooooooh! You think he's a PE???

Funny, Bummed didn't mention it. And she seemed more than up for another go at him. Hmmmm....

Y'know, the more I think about it, maybe Bummed is a guy. And not a size-queen.

That's either a shame, or a big advantage, I'm not sure which.

OMG! Lookit this! I gogled Viggo, and he's a paper doll!

And he's almost nuddy!

*pushes print*


My mum might like it, you never know. And it'll keep her from goggling me AND Viggo, 'cause I tried that too and I'm not sure she's gonna buy that "Don't believe everything you read on the internets" line after she tries that....

Date: 2007-06-26 01:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Dear Orlando,
I'm really very, very happy that you are on my friends list cause every time you give your splendid advices I learn something new.
This time it was (among other useful things)"doing the bum-dinky together".
Thank you so much!

Uhm, even if I'm not quite sure what that means though. *ponders*

Date: 2007-06-30 06:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Awwww, thanks,luv! That's so sweet! *blushes*

You should google it. *grins*
(deleted comment)

Date: 2007-06-30 08:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I've been asking her nicely, but she never listens to me.

The worst part is when she invites me to lunch and pulls out a stonkin' big wine bottle and after two glasses, she decides she wants to talk about it. *sigh*

Date: 2007-06-29 01:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
whether or not his mum drove him over

a white flag with stonkin’ big red letters

*snorfles in a most unladylike fashion*

You just have to stop sometimes and rest your brain so you can move your hands, and then stop and rest your hands while you move your brain
holy moly, orlando - that is really quite profound. i think i get caught up in the perfectionist attitude that you have to be able to do it all, all the time, and very well. resting one or the other sounds big-time smart.

you sure you haven't been doing a column like this for years now?

Date: 2007-06-30 08:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
resting one or the other sounds big-time smart.


Well, not YEARS, actually. Mostly I've been listening to advice. When you have friends and family like mine, especially a big sister who knows EVERYTHING *snerk*, you have a lot of mostly useless stuff lurking around inside your head. Now's as good a time as any to get that out, yeah? And if it can help people to be more environmentally concious, or to get happy, all the better, eh?

Date: 2007-07-07 05:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
That's a lot of good advice for Bummed and Confused. Makes me wonder....

How's your experience been dating co-workers?

Date: 2007-08-05 10:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
you give the greatest advice orlando dear *sigh*
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